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How Do You Define Seduction?

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Is it a sexy glance from across the room? Does your heart beat faster with intimate whispers of what is to come? Perhaps knowing that the person you’re interested in shares a common value makes you swoon. Seduction is often thought of as a candlelit dinner, but it can be so much more. How do you define seduction?

Recently, the “Five Love Languages” has gotten a lot of attention. The principle behind this theory makes sense to me. It explains that seduction and falling in love doesn’t follow the exact same process for everyone. Just like we are attracted to different types, apparently we each respond to a different love language.

What Makes You Swoon?

Some people go weak in the knees when a present arrives. Others swoon when someone they are interested in casually touches them. Is attraction more physical or mental? Often times, people admit that attraction comes first because after all, we don’t necessarily know a person. Then, we get to know them and either the attraction grows with the knowledge we acquire about them, or it diminishes and we chalk it up to the person not being our type. What defines a relationship differs from couple to couple.

What is Your Love Language?

Here are the five types of love language:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch

The definitions are pretty self-explanatory and straight-forward. Think of what really moves you. Consider how you have ended up with your current or past partner.

If Words of Affirmation is your love language it means you value when your partner listens to you and expresses support. Acts of Service are those little gestures to show they care such as bringing you a Starbucks S’mores Frappucino because they know it’s your favorite drink. (By the way, check out the copycat recipe in the link.)

Some people feel loved when they Receive a Gift. Others want to their partner is willing to spend Quality Time with them. Finally, some people fall for someone when they receive appropriate Physical Touch such as hand holding or a hand placed on the small of their back.

In my book “A Much Younger Man,” my protagonist originally fell for her man when he chased down a perpetrator who stole her purse — an Act of Service. Of course, their relationship developed, went through ups and downs, but came out the other side in book two, “Another Younger Man.”

As a romance writer, I think the idea of the love languages as they relate to seduction is fascinating. I’m curious if one of these five love languages would garner a majority vote.

Consider taking my short (only 4 questions!) survey to receive a chance to win a free copy of “A Much Younger Man.”

How Do You Define Seduction Survey

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What Defines Your Relationship?

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Is your relationship with your significant other a spicy enchilada or a sweet lump of sugar? Maybe the answer is both. If the tides change with the moon, what’s to say that we don’t as well? What defines your relationship? Chances are it vacillates and that’s perfectly normal. It’s how you manage expectations, deal with changes, and respect each other that truly defines your relationship. Let’s explore…

Manage Expectations

Dating is not only a time to get to know each other and take part in wonderfully romantic gestures. It’s also a time when we manage expectations, or at least we should. If you expect that your partner is going to spend every weekend going out to events, dinners, movies, etc. and you’re both on the same page with this, then your lifestyle is defined. But, if one person believes that the weekend is for lounging at home and the other wants to hit the clubs, then disagreements can arise. The good news is that this is why we take time to date. Psst… it’s also why you need more than just sexual chemistry. That’s fun, but if that’s all you have in common, your relationship won’t stand the test of time.

Deal with Changes

There’s a great quote from Paolo Coelho that says: “A relationship where you can be weird together is your best choice.” To me, this means that you feel comfortable to be yourself — weirdness and all. More importantly, this comfortability means you can weather storms and deal with changes. Change in life is inevitable. Some people handle it better than others. Even more complicated is the fact that we don’t all experience changes at the same time. This means we need to support each other and be patient when one person is experiencing a life changing moment.

Respect Each Other

Relationships aren’t just candlelit dinners for two and rose petals scattered on the duvet cover. They also include disagreements. What relationships should not include are uncertainty, fear, insults, and basically, not fighting fairly. Every relationship includes arguments, but how you get through the argument defines your relationship. Arguments can be useful because they reveal aspects of our personality that allows us to be vulnerable and share.

Perhaps the next time you find yourself in the midst of an argument, take a step back and try to examine what is at the root of the disagreement. Often times, couples don’t see that one person may be feeling inadequate, wishing they could provide something that is just out of reach. The response might be to act defensively or angrily. But when you examine the reason behind undesirable behavior, you may be better equipped to solve the problem, suggest better communication, and move forward happily.

What Defines Your Relationship?

By trying to see each side of the argument, you might find that you avoid the argument. As a writer, I think having an active imagination is an asset to a relationship. When in the midst of an argument, it’s helpful to pretend that you’re hearing the words from an outsider’s perspective. Rather than react, listen. Listen with new ears as if you’re hearing your partner’s words being told to you by a friend. Give that friend advice. And remember, you were probably friends before you were lovers. The balance between those two roles makes for a strong relationship.

 

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Blueberry Overdrive Arrives and with it Blueberry Lemon Loveliness

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This past week, my family’s quest to eat healthy or more specifically, avoid high fat and carbs in favor of anti-oxidant foods, erupted in a mountain of blueberries that turned to blueberry lemon loveliness.

I took my usual trip to the market and decided to buy the largest box of blueberries. Buying extra made sense because we had been popping them plain as snacks, putting them in yogurt parfaits in the morning, and serving them with vanilla flavored almond creamer (just a drop, I swear) for dessert. But then… it was a case of blueberry overdrive.

Blueberry Overdrive Arrives

My husband passed a fruit stand on the side of the road and detoured to make a stop. He didn’t know that I had gone to the market just an hour prior. He also decided to buy extra blueberries. I had thought that the pack I purchased was large, but what he brought home put my Trader Joe’s box in its place. His purchase was the muscle box of blueberries… big enough to feed a family for a week. At least, that was his intention.

Best-Laid Plans

The saying goes, “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” We just had too many blueberries. I’m not a wasteful person and I knew that there was no way we could eat this many before some of them started to spoil. It was time to bake! I was thrilled because frankly, after writing, baking is my number one way to relax. There’s something about churning the butter with the sugar, adding the eggs, one by one, and smelling the scent of vanilla as I drizzle in that delectable teaspoon of extract.

Return to Carb Land

I looked at my husband and explained that I had to bake. I just had to. He raised his eyebrows knowing that I had been looking for an excuse for over a week. In truth, I think he was happy. He always says my baking was partly responsible for him falling in love with me. I told the kids that we should celebrate a half birthday since nobody in my family has a June birthday. And then, ta-dah… blueberry overdrive arrives and I had a reason to embrace my love of butter and flour recipes again.

Blueberry Lemon Loveliness

I gained inspiration from Tieghan Gerard’s Half Baked Harvest blog when I created Blueberry Lemon Loveliness. Her version has a few difference in the ingredients and it’s baked in a loaf pan, but I can’t use the word loaf to describe this because it’s not a lazy loaf. This delicious any time snack tastes likes it’s jumping for joy. Here it is …

Ingredients:

1 stick (8 tablespoons) butter (softened)
1/2 cup sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice (add the zest of the lemon for an extra burst of flavor)
1/2 cup vanilla yogurt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1 heaping cup fresh blueberries
3 tablespoons any variety of fruit jam

For the glaze:
2/3 cup powdered sugar
3 tablespoons lemon juice

Instructions:

1. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F. Grease a 9×5 inch pan.

2. Mix together the butter, sugar, eggs, vanilla, yogurt, and lemon juice.

3. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, salt, and baking powder. Toss the blueberries within this mixture. (Did you know that coating the blueberries in flour helps them to float in the batter rather than sink to the bottom of the pan?)

4. Gently fold the flour mixture into the butter mixture.

5. Spoon half the batter into your pan. Smooth a layer of jam on top of the batter, then top with the remaining half of batter.

6. Sprinkle some extra sugar on top of the Blueberry Lemon Loveliness and tell it how beautiful it looks. Everyone, even baked goods, needs some positive accolades from time to time.

7. Then bake for 55 minutes, or until the center isn’t wiggly jiggly. Remember, it was a muscle box of blueberries!

8. Make the glaze while the Blueberry Lemon Loveliness cools. Simply combine the lemon juice and powdered sugar.

9. Once it’s cool, take the cake out of its pan and spoon the glaze over the top, allowing it to drip down the sides.

Enjoy!

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Top Five Ideas for a Great First Date

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You met a guy. Maybe, you met The Guy! One thing is for certain, your first activity together sets the course for your relationship. After all, you can’t tell your future grandchildren about the amazing first date you had if you never experience it. Read on for suggestions on the top five ideas for a great first date.

Go on a Walk

Simple. No excessive planning or spending needed. There is plenty to see or you can take time to look into each other’s eyes. A walk is a chance to breathe, take in the scenery, and let conversation flow. But if conversation slows, perhaps it’s just a comfortable silence. It’s nice to “just be” and not worry about always saying the right thing.

Visit a Museum

Museum visits are great because you don’t have to be by each other’s side every second. It gives you a chance to have some space and then frequently come back together to share what you saw. There’s also plenty to talk about when you’re looking at the exhibits. You don’t have to get too personal or ask stumble for talking points. You can simply speak to what’s right in front of you.

Shop at a Farmer’s Market

A farmer’s market shopping trip is a great way to get outdoors and enjoy a laid back setting. You can sample the wares of the farmers. I know that the idea behind a farmers market is to get fresh fruits and vegetables, but these days there are also pastry chefs who sell homemade baked goods. Many farmers markets are located near coffee houses so you can buy some homemade goodies and then turn your shopping expedition into breakfast.

Ice Cream

As the saying goes, “I scream, they scream, we all scream for ice cream!” A first date is a perfect excuse to go out for ice cream. Even someone who is lactose intolerant can find an assortment of sorbet or sherbets that will appeal to them. You can sit and talk in a quiet corner or if there isn’t such a place, take your ice cream on a stroll.

Bake Cookies

You caught me… it’s hard to contemplate eating ice cream without cookies too. Baking cookies is a low stress and fun activity. One could get together to cook dinner, but that puts a bit more pressure on the situation. It’s also harder to focus on conversation when you have an entire dinner to prepare, not to mention there’s the clean-up afterwards. Baking cookies has the added bonus of eating out of the batter bowl together.

No matter what you do, make sure to have a great first date by adding a smile to any activity. It will go a long way to making each other feel comfortable and telling your date that you are having a great time.

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Four Downright Sexy Foods

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Couple in the Kitchen Sexy food doesn’t have to mean oysters. Here are four downright sexy foods that you can easily find, prepare, and they’re not slimy.

Black Raspberries

As a romance author, I know that reading a sexy book can get you into the right mindset for romance. The same result can be found by eating certain foods. Black raspberries have been found to boost your libido and increase sexual stamina. Berry up!

Ginseng Tea

If you’re planning an evening with your man, it can’t hurt to have a bit of caffeine in your system. Late nights are more fun when fatigue doesn’t strike. However, not all caffeine is equal when it comes to your sex drive. Ginseng tea has a multitude of sexy properties. It increases sexual satisfaction and can help prevent or lessen erectile dysfunction.

Saffron

Initially, the idea of saffron as one of the four downright sexy foods had me thrown for a loop. I had never thought of those little red strings of spice in that way. They seemed so innocent, a mere spice. And that’s when it hit me. It made so much sense. Why not turn to a spice when you want to spice things up? Saffron isn’t just any old spice. Pure saffron is actually the world’s most expensive spice. Here are the details: A Canadian review of 150 international studies found that saffron both enhances sexual performance and satisfaction. No wonder Indian guys with their chocolate complexions and white teeth are so damned sexy.

Strawberries

As the saying goes, “First come sex, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!” If you’re wanting to conceive, fill up on strawberries. They contain lots of vitamin C, which raises sperm count. They also help to improve circulation, which is important for men and women’s sexual satisfaction. For an added sexy twist, coat your strawberries in chocolate, which is known to boost libido.

In a previous post, I wrote about ultimate dating foods. I’d love to hear your meal planning ideas around this list of four downright sexy foods. Feel free to drop me a line. Or, you could always just have a bowl of berries, a cup of tea, sprinkle in some saffron, and see what happens next.

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Date Night Mushroom Risotto

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risotto
Date Night Mushroom Risotto

Date Night Mushroom Risotto is the perfect meal for a romantic dinner at home. If you’ve read my previous post about the ultimate date food, it ticks all the boxes. First and foremost, it’s delicious. It’s also impressive, easy to eat, and won’t leave you with bad breath or bloating. Most important, it’ll leave you wanting dessert.

Ingredients

Here’s your list of ingredients:
1 carton low-sodium chicken or vegetable stock
1 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
2 tbsp. butter
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 cups sliced mushrooms
1 bay leaf
4 sprigs thyme, leaves removed
salt and pepper to taste
1 3/4 cups arborio rice
1/2 cup white wine
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan
3/4 cup frozen peas, thawed
2 tbsp. chopped fresh parsley

Directions:

These are the steps to making your Date Night Mushroom Risotto
  1. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, bring chicken stock to a simmer. Reduce heat to low.
  2. In a large pot or Dutch oven, heat oil. Add onion and cook, stirring often, until translucent, about 5 minutes. Next, add 1 tablespoon butter, garlic, mushrooms, bay leaf and thyme. Cook until the mushrooms have softened and are golden, about 4 more minutes, then season with salt and pepper. Remove mixture from the pot.
  3. Continue by melting remaining tablespoon butter in the pot and add the arborio rice, stirring quickly. Cook until the grains are well-coated and smell slightly toasty, about 2 minutes. Add the wine and cook until the wine has mostly absorbed.
  4. With a ladle, add about 1 cup of hot stock. Stirring often, cook until the rice has mostly absorbed liquid. Add remaining stock about 1/2 cup at a time, continuing to allow the rice to absorb each addition of stock before adding more. Stir often and cook until the risotto is al dente and creamy, not mushy. (You might not need all the stock.)
  5. Add the mushroom mixture back into the rice.
  6. Finally, stir in Parmesan and peas then garnish with parsley. Serve warm.

Best Practices

Before launching into cooking, here are some “best practices” to keep in mind when making Date Night Mushroom Risotto.

1. Use hot stock.

Before starting, heat your stock in a separate pan over medium heat. Hot stock will help keep the temperature from dropping each time you add it to the rice. The faster your rice absorbs the liquid, the better your risotto texture will be.

2. Keep stirring.

In “Finding Nemo” Dory always said, Just keep swimming.” Swap that little song for “just keep stirring” and you’ll end up with perfect risotto. Arborio rice is very starchy, so the chances of burning increases. Do not leave it for even a second. Just keep swimming… err stirring.

3. It’s all in the cheese.

You’ll notice that there aren’t a lot of ingredients. Therefore, the quality and flavor of each one is important. Fresh herbs. Fresh cheese. Parmesan from a can doesn’t belong in your date night mushroom risotto.

The whole point of this blog is to offer recipe advice for a sure-fire romantic meal. This is it! Put in the time before he arrives and all you have to do is heat up the risotto. Then, you can heat up the rest of the evening as well.

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