Heart Pounding Romance

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What Defines Your Relationship?

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Is your relationship with your significant other a spicy enchilada or a sweet lump of sugar? Maybe the answer is both. If the tides change with the moon, what’s to say that we don’t as well? What defines your relationship? Chances are it vacillates and that’s perfectly normal. It’s how you manage expectations, deal with changes, and respect each other that truly defines your relationship. Let’s explore…

Manage Expectations

Dating is not only a time to get to know each other and take part in wonderfully romantic gestures. It’s also a time when we manage expectations, or at least we should. If you expect that your partner is going to spend every weekend going out to events, dinners, movies, etc. and you’re both on the same page with this, then your lifestyle is defined. But, if one person believes that the weekend is for lounging at home and the other wants to hit the clubs, then disagreements can arise. The good news is that this is why we take time to date. Psst… it’s also why you need more than just sexual chemistry. That’s fun, but if that’s all you have in common, your relationship won’t stand the test of time.

Deal with Changes

There’s a great quote from Paolo Coelho that says: “A relationship where you can be weird together is your best choice.” To me, this means that you feel comfortable to be yourself — weirdness and all. More importantly, this comfortability means you can weather storms and deal with changes. Change in life is inevitable. Some people handle it better than others. Even more complicated is the fact that we don’t all experience changes at the same time. This means we need to support each other and be patient when one person is experiencing a life changing moment.

Respect Each Other

Relationships aren’t just candlelit dinners for two and rose petals scattered on the duvet cover. They also include disagreements. What relationships should not include are uncertainty, fear, insults, and basically, not fighting fairly. Every relationship includes arguments, but how you get through the argument defines your relationship. Arguments can be useful because they reveal aspects of our personality that allows us to be vulnerable and share.

Perhaps the next time you find yourself in the midst of an argument, take a step back and try to examine what is at the root of the disagreement. Often times, couples don’t see that one person may be feeling inadequate, wishing they could provide something that is just out of reach. The response might be to act defensively or angrily. But when you examine the reason behind undesirable behavior, you may be better equipped to solve the problem, suggest better communication, and move forward happily.

What Defines Your Relationship?

By trying to see each side of the argument, you might find that you avoid the argument. As a writer, I think having an active imagination is an asset to a relationship. When in the midst of an argument, it’s helpful to pretend that you’re hearing the words from an outsider’s perspective. Rather than react, listen. Listen with new ears as if you’re hearing your partner’s words being told to you by a friend. Give that friend advice. And remember, you were probably friends before you were lovers. The balance between those two roles makes for a strong relationship.

 

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Top Five Ideas for a Great First Date

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You met a guy. Maybe, you met The Guy! One thing is for certain, your first activity together sets the course for your relationship. After all, you can’t tell your future grandchildren about the amazing first date you had if you never experience it. Read on for suggestions on the top five ideas for a great first date.

Go on a Walk

Simple. No excessive planning or spending needed. There is plenty to see or you can take time to look into each other’s eyes. A walk is a chance to breathe, take in the scenery, and let conversation flow. But if conversation slows, perhaps it’s just a comfortable silence. It’s nice to “just be” and not worry about always saying the right thing.

Visit a Museum

Museum visits are great because you don’t have to be by each other’s side every second. It gives you a chance to have some space and then frequently come back together to share what you saw. There’s also plenty to talk about when you’re looking at the exhibits. You don’t have to get too personal or ask stumble for talking points. You can simply speak to what’s right in front of you.

Shop at a Farmer’s Market

A farmer’s market shopping trip is a great way to get outdoors and enjoy a laid back setting. You can sample the wares of the farmers. I know that the idea behind a farmers market is to get fresh fruits and vegetables, but these days there are also pastry chefs who sell homemade baked goods. Many farmers markets are located near coffee houses so you can buy some homemade goodies and then turn your shopping expedition into breakfast.

Ice Cream

As the saying goes, “I scream, they scream, we all scream for ice cream!” A first date is a perfect excuse to go out for ice cream. Even someone who is lactose intolerant can find an assortment of sorbet or sherbets that will appeal to them. You can sit and talk in a quiet corner or if there isn’t such a place, take your ice cream on a stroll.

Bake Cookies

You caught me… it’s hard to contemplate eating ice cream without cookies too. Baking cookies is a low stress and fun activity. One could get together to cook dinner, but that puts a bit more pressure on the situation. It’s also harder to focus on conversation when you have an entire dinner to prepare, not to mention there’s the clean-up afterwards. Baking cookies has the added bonus of eating out of the batter bowl together.

No matter what you do, make sure to have a great first date by adding a smile to any activity. It will go a long way to making each other feel comfortable and telling your date that you are having a great time.

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Four Downright Sexy Foods

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Couple in the Kitchen Sexy food doesn’t have to mean oysters. Here are four downright sexy foods that you can easily find, prepare, and they’re not slimy.

Black Raspberries

As a romance author, I know that reading a sexy book can get you into the right mindset for romance. The same result can be found by eating certain foods. Black raspberries have been found to boost your libido and increase sexual stamina. Berry up!

Ginseng Tea

If you’re planning an evening with your man, it can’t hurt to have a bit of caffeine in your system. Late nights are more fun when fatigue doesn’t strike. However, not all caffeine is equal when it comes to your sex drive. Ginseng tea has a multitude of sexy properties. It increases sexual satisfaction and can help prevent or lessen erectile dysfunction.

Saffron

Initially, the idea of saffron as one of the four downright sexy foods had me thrown for a loop. I had never thought of those little red strings of spice in that way. They seemed so innocent, a mere spice. And that’s when it hit me. It made so much sense. Why not turn to a spice when you want to spice things up? Saffron isn’t just any old spice. Pure saffron is actually the world’s most expensive spice. Here are the details: A Canadian review of 150 international studies found that saffron both enhances sexual performance and satisfaction. No wonder Indian guys with their chocolate complexions and white teeth are so damned sexy.

Strawberries

As the saying goes, “First come sex, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!” If you’re wanting to conceive, fill up on strawberries. They contain lots of vitamin C, which raises sperm count. They also help to improve circulation, which is important for men and women’s sexual satisfaction. For an added sexy twist, coat your strawberries in chocolate, which is known to boost libido.

In a previous post, I wrote about ultimate dating foods. I’d love to hear your meal planning ideas around this list of four downright sexy foods. Feel free to drop me a line. Or, you could always just have a bowl of berries, a cup of tea, sprinkle in some saffron, and see what happens next.

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Date Night Mushroom Risotto

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risotto
Date Night Mushroom Risotto

Date Night Mushroom Risotto is the perfect meal for a romantic dinner at home. If you’ve read my previous post about the ultimate date food, it ticks all the boxes. First and foremost, it’s delicious. It’s also impressive, easy to eat, and won’t leave you with bad breath or bloating. Most important, it’ll leave you wanting dessert.

Ingredients

Here’s your list of ingredients:
1 carton low-sodium chicken or vegetable stock
1 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
1 onion, finely chopped
2 tbsp. butter
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 cups sliced mushrooms
1 bay leaf
4 sprigs thyme, leaves removed
salt and pepper to taste
1 3/4 cups arborio rice
1/2 cup white wine
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan
3/4 cup frozen peas, thawed
2 tbsp. chopped fresh parsley

Directions:

These are the steps to making your Date Night Mushroom Risotto
  1. In a medium saucepan over medium heat, bring chicken stock to a simmer. Reduce heat to low.
  2. In a large pot or Dutch oven, heat oil. Add onion and cook, stirring often, until translucent, about 5 minutes. Next, add 1 tablespoon butter, garlic, mushrooms, bay leaf and thyme. Cook until the mushrooms have softened and are golden, about 4 more minutes, then season with salt and pepper. Remove mixture from the pot.
  3. Continue by melting remaining tablespoon butter in the pot and add the arborio rice, stirring quickly. Cook until the grains are well-coated and smell slightly toasty, about 2 minutes. Add the wine and cook until the wine has mostly absorbed.
  4. With a ladle, add about 1 cup of hot stock. Stirring often, cook until the rice has mostly absorbed liquid. Add remaining stock about 1/2 cup at a time, continuing to allow the rice to absorb each addition of stock before adding more. Stir often and cook until the risotto is al dente and creamy, not mushy. (You might not need all the stock.)
  5. Add the mushroom mixture back into the rice.
  6. Finally, stir in Parmesan and peas then garnish with parsley. Serve warm.

Best Practices

Before launching into cooking, here are some “best practices” to keep in mind when making Date Night Mushroom Risotto.

1. Use hot stock.

Before starting, heat your stock in a separate pan over medium heat. Hot stock will help keep the temperature from dropping each time you add it to the rice. The faster your rice absorbs the liquid, the better your risotto texture will be.

2. Keep stirring.

In “Finding Nemo” Dory always said, Just keep swimming.” Swap that little song for “just keep stirring” and you’ll end up with perfect risotto. Arborio rice is very starchy, so the chances of burning increases. Do not leave it for even a second. Just keep swimming… err stirring.

3. It’s all in the cheese.

You’ll notice that there aren’t a lot of ingredients. Therefore, the quality and flavor of each one is important. Fresh herbs. Fresh cheese. Parmesan from a can doesn’t belong in your date night mushroom risotto.

The whole point of this blog is to offer recipe advice for a sure-fire romantic meal. This is it! Put in the time before he arrives and all you have to do is heat up the risotto. Then, you can heat up the rest of the evening as well.

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Creative Writing for Kids

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I’ve recently started teaching a creative writing class to a group of homeschooled children ages 10-12. Akin to a “writer’s room” in the television industry, we sit around a long table and brainstorm ideas for a group story. Initially, I wondered if this idea would take flight.

Sure, in the beginning, many of the children were shy to share their ideas, but soon the ideas were flying out of them. Some went off on tangents, but that was interesting in itself. They naturally had a sense of what worked and what didn’t. Commonly, I heard, “What if we did this…” or “How about if…”

The best part of group writing is that it also inspires reading as a group. One time, one of the children suggested an idea similar to a book she was reading. The others weren’t familiar with the book, so we decided to make that our reading club book for the month.

Want to get your kids reading and writing? Try one of these writing prompts for children to get them started:

  1. Ask them to imagine a new super hero power and how they would use it.
  2. Encourage them to “discover” a new species of animal combining two of their favorite animals. (Check out the “butterphant” on this post!) What does it do?
  3. Let them pretend that they’re taking a trip. Ask them by what means they plan to travel, where they’re going, and what they will do when they arrive.

Being creative with children helps spark my own creativity. You might want to check out the #FREE deals on my books this month.

Sleeping with the Sandman – Free til April 18

Keeping Up – Free from April 19-23

Released – Free on April 25 and 26

Happy reading…and writing!

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Create a Work Free Zone

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candel-light

When you get home do you immediately start the conversation with your partner by rehashing what happened at work? And if so, do you ever wish that your relationships could be more like the ones in the romance novels you read? Maybe it’s time to create a work free zone?

It’s not that you can’t talk about your work, you just need to know when. Let’s face it, work is not sexy. Even if you’re a Victoria’s Secret model, you still have to show up on time, deal with cranky co-workers (probably more than most people!) and be accountable. Talking about work when you first get home is probably the most definitive way to ensure that you don’t have a romantic evening.

But I want to share my day with my partner, you think to yourself.

Okay then. Here are some tips for how to balance romance with rehashing the day’s events:

  • Go in for the hug.

Don’t underestimate the power of non-verbal communication. If you lean on your partner, literally, he’ll sense that you might not have had a particularly stellar day. Your reward will be a warm hug in which you’ll feel loved, rather than stressed after telling about the co-worker who tried to back stab you.

  • Meal plan.

Another decidedly unsexy proposition, but the alternative is far worse. Take time to meal plan by buying ingredients on the weekend and using clever make-ahead recipes. If you want to go so far as to have dessert, try my special brownie recipe, which has an essence of coffee and almonds! The result will be that you come home to the inviting smell of dinner already cooked to perfection in your crock pot rather than having to scramble to put something together when you’re both tired.

  • Make an event out of dinner.

If you’ve followed both of the tips above then you and your partner should be feeling a bit more relaxed by the time you even sit down for dinner. You’ve held each other. You smell the food and it’s sure to be delicious. Pour yourselves a glass of wine. Set the table with nice dishes and candles (maybe get it ready before you leave in the morning). Now it’s time to sit down, relax, and enjoy each other’s company. There’s a fine line between sharing and over-sharing. Take advantage of your pre-planned candlelit dinner.

Put work on the back burner (ahem, after romance ensues). By the time you get around to talking about your work day, chances are you will have had time to put things into perspective and just maybe, you won’t even feel the need to vent.

Looking for more romance and recipe advice? Sign up for my newsletter and you’ll get this as well as quarterly giveaways.

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